The long weekend got even longer.

Yesterday we went out for lunch together.  On the way, we talked about what had happened the night before.  I stressed that I want to work this out, but I can’t change things, she’s the only one that can do her recovery.  I have my own to do.  She said how hard it was and how lost she feels.  How she doesn’t know what to do.  We talked about a few things including discussing the boundaries.  She didn’t want it to be with the therapist and said she dreaded it.  I said, let’s do it today and get it over with.  She didn’t want to, but she said yes, OK.

I clearly feel her pain and horrible she feels about herself.  It ‘s eating her up inside.

We both talked about how much we love each other and want to stay together, but that making it past this is going to be hard.

As we walked into the restaurant for lunch we agreed not to talk about it inside.  We had a great lunch.  Talking and laughing.  It was amazing how quick we were able to switch gears.  It felt wonderful to both of us, just being together.

At one point, I turned to her and said, “It’s times like this that I feel so connected and perfect with you that I can’t imagine us not being together.”  She agreed and added that “there is nothing like it when we are in sync.”

When we got home, we were feeling good we started kissing in the kitchen.  Not just a peck, but the deep passionate kisses that make your toes tingle.  Hands all over each other, it would have lead to the bedroom if the kids weren’t in the other room.

A few hours later I knew I had to discuss the boundaries, even though it might wreck everything.  I asked her if she was ready, she said, “No, but let’s do it anyways.”

The list was short, only 8 things.  She hated every minute of it, turning away from me.  It was hard to read them out loud and I felt horrible too.   The first one was no having sex outside our marriage and I said that if she did that, I’d ask her to go to a treatment center.   She said “I won’t go to that” and I said, “I can’t make you do that, but if you act out, that’s what I’ll ask you to do.”

The rest of the list was mainly about not being in contact with old partners and not going online to look at personals, etc.

When it was done, she said, “Do I get some time to answer this?”, implying she might not agree to some of these.  I said that they aren’t questions, that they are my boundaries.  She doesn’t have to follow them, I can’t make her, but I owed it to myself to be clear with her exactly what I expect.  She was angry and told me so.  She also said that she has no grounds to be angry with me, but that it’s all overwhelming.  Again, she repeated how horrible she feels and how she just wants to escape.

There wasn’t much to say, so I left to give her some space.  The rest of the evening sucked.  I felt terrible and we didn’t talk much.  This morning was painful as well with more silence between us.

I’m sure we’ll get past this, hopefully quickly.

On the bad side, I was hurt terribly by her continued betrayal.  On the good side, I am speaking up for myself and confronting the reality of the situation with her and recovering much more rapidly than ever before.

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