Last night, I got a chance to speak with another man dealing with his wife’s sex addiction.

He found me via this weblog.

We emailed a bit and spoke on the phone last night.  It was amazing how much our stories are similar.  We talked about a lot of things and it’s the first time that I didn’t feel as isolated in the S-Anon community.

Talking with the ladies I’ve meet at S-Anon and online is great, but there is a real gender difference in how men and women deal with sex addiction of a partner.  I know the ladies want to help, but there is a bit of distance between us as men and women.

Our culture has a lot of expectations of both men and women when it comes to sex and for the first time I was able to truly share my struggle with feelings of shame over my wife’s actions with someone that truly understood how I felt.

We also talked a bit about our codependent tendencies to try to fix everything.  Again, being a man and fighting codependancies goes against a lot of society’s expectations about men.

We probably could have talked for hours, but after about a half hour we wrapped up as I got home and had to help with getting the kids ready for bed.

I’m sure we’ll talk more soon.  It was a relief to hear that I wasn’t the only guy to have these fears and be dealing with these difficult thoughts and feelings.  We argeed that it helped us feel better to share what’s going, taking us out of the semi-isolation.